HOW TO SUPPORT YOURSELF(WHEN YOU HAVE NO ONE)?
INTRODUCTION
Need help with an issue, but never have anyone to call? Big or small. The size of the problem doesn’t matter. The fact that you cannot ask for help from anyone in your life does. Those same people who constantly bombard you with their issues, while your life is falling apart, and you are just unable to tend to their needs. Those people who will easily paint you as the villain. It’s as if you have never helped them previously, when that’s all you have ever done. Sick of it? Well, I am. Here are some ways you can support yourself when you have no one to go to.
- Showing up for yourself
Firstly, showing up for yourself is key. Sounds easy enough, yet it can be one of the hardest things you can do for yourself after years of people pleasing. Doing little tasks like eating well, getting enough sleep, or even exercising regularly, while making sure you actually rest on rest days. It doesn’t seem like much, although in the long run, you start to see the results. When it comes to setting goals in life, break them into small, realistic tasks that you wouldn’t need to rely on motivation to carry out. Take your goals seriously and give yourself extra time. Continue even if there isn’t applause because eventually your success will be noticeable.
2. Shadow work
Shadow work is a method used to explore the unconscious parts of yourself that are hidden, never acknowledged, or brushed off. Carl Jung, a famous psychologist, came up with the idea that everyone has a shadow self. The side you grow up believing is wrong or unacceptable, so you suppress it to fit in. Problems may occur when you don’t confront your shadow, such as insecurity, having difficulty managing your emotions, or feeling stuck in life. The cycle will repeat itself until that specific aspect is addressed. Methods to do shadow work can be drawing, writing, or thinking about your reactions and considering what they are trying to tell you.
The method I use to do shadow work is by asking ChatGPT to provide shadow work prompts and working through the prompts in my journal. To ensure complete privacy, I write in messy handwriting, so if anyone comes across my journals, they would have no idea what was written. I don’t need to know myself, as if by that point, I would have processed the emotion/feeling or thoughts. Do be mindful that repressed emotions may appear out of nowhere. One time I did shadow work, a couple of days later, I went through massive amounts of anxiety. I did overcome it. Shadow work is not easy, yet it is beneficial if you want to be a better version of yourself. This method has helped me accept my flaws and move past them. It is not a replacement for therapy. I found that writing my feelings down helped me more than speaking about them.
3. Have compassion for yourself
Giving yourself permission to fail or make mistakes can be tough after years of thinking you need to be perfect; otherwise, you may face consequences. Don’t go all drill sergeant on yourself when you make a mistake. Chances are, you will make the same mistake again. But that’s fine. We are all human at the end of the day. It’s not the end of the world. If your mind imagines the worst-case scenarios due to experiencing ridicule in the past, the best thing you can do is write down the worst scenarios on paper and also note why they could take place or why you think that. Shadow work has been a lifesaver for me to tackle negative thoughts. I still have negative thoughts. Now it doesn’t stop me from pursuing what I want out of life anymore. Give yourself the room to fail because failing means you are taking chances; one day you will look back and regret not taking those chances out of fear of failure.
4. Create boundaries
One of the best things you can do to support yourself is to create boundaries. Implementing boundaries lets you become clear on what responsibilities you can or cannot take on, whether that is mentally, physically, or even emotionally. Learning to say no to requests or invitations can benefit your well-being since you won’t have to stress about going and will be saving energy. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Just your own. Those people who always expect a yes may not be the best people for you. You can create emotional boundaries by keeping distance from those who negatively affect you, whether that be draining you or projecting their feelings onto you. It’s absolutely fine to walk away and leave those people in the past.
Conclusion
The truth of the matter is that no one is going to save you at the end of the day. What people don’t tell you is that having no one to save you is not an issue. You are more than capable enough to save yourself. You don’t always want to save yourself? One day, you will meet people who resonate with you and will stand by you so you don’t have to deal with everything alone. Until that day, learn to become the best version of yourself. Don’t do it for anyone. Do it for you. It’s not selfish to pick yourself. Everyone else is picking themselves. Why shouldn’t you do the same?